


Washing Machine Heart

by meltic_daze



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, My oc alice is going thru it, anguish, funny enough shes the oc i relate to most, funny that hahaha, theres some gross imagery but mild, this is actually an old one from august, tired, vent piece by author, wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltic_daze/pseuds/meltic_daze
Summary: Alice wonders why she bothers
Kudos: 1





	Washing Machine Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Im so exhausted.

Alice sighed as she reapplied her lipstick, the mirror taunting her with her near ghastly reflection. She watched as her reflection grimaced at the sight. No matter what blush she applied or mascara she wasted nothing would change. Alice would remain the same old boring girl she always was. Never enough to be at the same level of her female peers. Never enough to be one of them. Never enough to feel the same species- 

A snapping sound broke the silence of the room 

She sighed, eyebrows furrowing in irritation. That was the third mascara wand she broke this week. Maybe this wasnt working out. Alice viciously wiped off the lipstick with the back of her hand. Maybe it never would. The smear looked like a pulsing wound bleeding out, crimson stark against her pale skin. A careful finger probed the surface of the mark and spread it further. She chuckled darkly. This was stupid; Alice didnt even know why she had hope anymore. 

She had always felt divorced from her femininity as a child. Prided herself on it, even. Alice almost felt special. But one day she was impaled upon a sharp realization. She couldn't easily connect with the other girls around her. Couldnt relate to their behaviour. Like she wasn't human. It dug itself in her gut, unsettling all her half hidden fears and desires like intestines spilling from a cadaver. 

It became clear to her how different she really was, almost as if she existed a seperate plane of reality. As she drifted farther and farther as the years went on, a strange emotion rumbled to life in her ribcage. The feeling was indescribably painful so she never voiced it aloud. Alice feared by giving it a name it would become real and manifest. And so, the wound festered on the inside, attracting all manner of bugs and rot as she slept fitfully in the night. She forced herself to forget. Alice was always good at forgetting. 

Eventually it came to the point where she could repress it almost entirely. Of course, the notion was almost always dispelled upon walking into the high school bathroom and glancing at the others from the corner of her eye. Her heart seized painfully seeing the world she could never tread, the world of makeupand feminity and ideals she could never achieve. Always, always exiting as fast as her legs could carry her. The wound only grew larger. 

Why not me  
Whynotmewhynotmewhynotme 

It churned underneath the skin like some foreign sea, roiling in its depths, blackened inside her until she couldnt breathe and- 

Alice shut her eyes and bent over the counter, exhaling hard for one painful moment, before rising and blinking once- twice, to clear her vision.

Enough reminiscing. She turned on the tap and rinsed her hands carefully. Alice gave one last glance at her reflection before turning off the light and leaving. It's eyes were rimmed red.


End file.
